Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Inside the Boat

When life seems gray
And short of fizz
It seems that way
Because it is.

-Margret Fishback, Blackout


It's been almost 1 year since we moved to Idaho.  And it's been almost 6 months since Greg had to walk away from Micron.  I haven't blogged about this because there are too many horror stories to tell about Greg's boss (South Korean woman, workaholic, bipolar), the entire team that quit before Greg accepted the position, half of the new team that was already on its way out, the daily stress that kept falling on our backs - the list goes on.

The hardest part has been the second guessing of ourselves.  Why in the world did we move here?  Why did we give up so much to come to a strange area only to fail?  Why did we feel we could progress when it seems like we've only moved backwards?

Of course, I'm hoping someday I can look back on this crazy adventure and say it was absolutely necessary to get us to some future spot.  I'm hoping this is akin to Elder Holland's message about getting from A to C, by way of B.  I'm hoping there's some purpose here.  

I'm hoping. 

In the meantime, there are many panic attacks, struggles for faith and a need to constantly recognize simple, unappreciated blessings.  This has been one of the most difficult winters of my life.    

We've been in this boat before.  We know how bad the current can get and how deep the waves will push you down.  I feel like I know this environment so well that I both love and loathe the scriptures we've come to call our "family story"

"And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.
  
And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.

And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord."  -Ether 6:5-9

Our family has been through rough seas before and no doubt we'll go through them again.  But every single time - without fail - our boat has always reached the shore.  And we hope through the process that we've become more like Jesus Christ.   

"In the face of fear, let us find our courage" - Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf   

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