Friday, December 19, 2014


There's a pathetic, popular song on the radio right now called, "Rude".  It's about a less-than desirable suitor complaining that the girl's father is withholding his blessing for marriage.  But the line that irks me the most is the conclusion, "I'm going to marry her anyway."  

Stupid, presumptious man. 

To dumb it down for men like that - if my much wiser and experienced father doesn't approve - I'm NOT going to marry you anyway.

Because any girl worth her own skin would welcome and seriously consider the valued imput of her father.  And any arrogant fool who thinks she would do otherwise is a red flag.  

So on that note, and in honor of my father's birthday this year, let's document the story of Greg asking my Dad for permission to propose...

It happened in May on a Friday afternoon.  I don't know the exact date, but Greg proposed to me on the 17th, so I know it happened before then.  My Dad had just finished two surgeries that morning before meeting Greg in his office.  Dad told me later he'd joked with a few colleagues in the doctor's lounge...

"So I've got this boy coming over to ask if he can marry my daughter.  What should I say?"

But the wondeful fact was that my Dad already knew Greg very well.  He knew Greg's family very well. 

I'd made sure of it. 

I hadn't spent the past 2 years dating him (plus 2 years in between writing him on an LDS mission) sitting on my rear end.  And since I greatly valued my Dad's opinion, I took any and every opportunity to involve my father in my dating life - which meant meeting the boys that took me out, meeting their parents, etc.

And it didn't take long for my Dad to grasp the strength of Greg's family.  It wasn't the 22 yr old boy who sat across the table from him (though he liked Greg just fine).  My Dad knew Greg's background - how he'd been raised, his siblings lives, the spiritual/educational focus in the home, and most importantly - Greg's parents.  Crucial for my father because it was an excellent indication of Greg's potential.  Not a guarantee, but definitely a good sign.         

Greg told me later that my Dad cried through most of the visit.  He didn't like that time had finally caught up to this moment - a moment he'd seen coming for years.  He also wanted to make sure Greg knew what he was getting himself into by marrying me - subsequently laying out a list of my weaknesses... (thanks Dad)

1. She's obsessive.

2. Jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst.

3. Compulsive cleaner and she gets grouchy about it.

4. She can be stubborn & argumentative.

5. Worries.

Fortunately, there had been enough time in our dating years for Greg to encounter all these weaknesses (plus more) and miraculously, he still loved me. 

Lastly, Dad gave Greg something that was offered to him by my Grandpa Hoopes when he asked permission to marry my mother.  Dad assured Greg that after the marriage, my Dad would always side with him - not me.  If I ever came to my Dad complaining about Greg (unless it was abuse), he would back Greg.  No sympathetic ear would ever exist.  And therefore, any rough patches Greg and I encountered along the way would be resolved between us - without any outside interference. 

And to the credit of my marriage, this scenario has never happened.

In the end, I had very little worry over Dad giving Greg his blessing.  Mostly because my relationship with my father was close enough that I already knew his thoughts about this amazing boy who I loved and wanted very much to marry.  We'd already talked through this coming possibility - multiple times - long before Greg formalized the occasion. 

Regardless, my Dad's blessing meant the world to me.  It helped cement my own personal revelations on the subject.  I would not have progressed further without it.

1 comment:

Erin said...

These stories are so fun to read. I'm glad you are documenting them. And for the record, Dad told me the same thing about being on my side after David and I announced our engagement.